While I was drawing today's experiment I watched a movie I'd rented from a kiosk downstairs, Stealth. (Actually, the first time in a number of months I've genuinely sat down and watched TV, as opposed to playing video games on it.) This was a movie I'd actually meant to see in the theater, but never got around to it. Well, now I've seen it at last. And, speaking as someone who considers Independence Day, Air Force One and Die Hard With a Vengeance to be pinnacles of the modern American cinema: this movie sucked. I was playing along while I watched it since I'm generally a fan of operating aircraft in an irresponsible manner, but afterwards as I thought about what I'd just seen I got angrier and angrier. Shall I try to figure what bothered me the most? Was it:
- the chirpy banter between the heroic pilots that made me want to bang my head against a wall?
- the script that constantly dropped continuity on the floor? (EDI's attacking North Korea! No, wait, Russia! There are two enemy jets incoming! Oh, wait, three jets! We're big important scriptwriters, we can't be bothered to keep track!)
- the grasp of world geography that bordered on the autistic?
- the, um, fascinatingly muscular U.S. foreign policy implied by the film?
- how the miscellaneous terrorists and nuke-smuggling warlords the squadron is tasked to eliminate are nothing but impersonal and unmotivated pop-up targets, solely there to move the plot along?
- the way it turned out that the real villains of the piece were -- hold on to your hats, now! -- corrupt U.S. politicians and military personnel? (Yes, this big, brave multinational entertainment conglomerate is fighting the power! How daring, just like every other film released this year! Watch out -- I hear if you really get the Pentagon mad, they might write you an angry letter!)
Oh yes: and in a shocking turn of events, the token black guy -- and I do mean token -- gets killed first.
I give up. I don't know what's the worst thing about this movie. It's like stepping into an open sewer and trying to figure out where that smell is coming from. No wonder nobody watches movies any more.